Quodpot!
by Saint Paul
Summary: There's a new student, and he's brought a new game to Hogwarts. Or, at least he's trying to... After all, what's not to like about a game with explosions?


A/N Okay normally I hate the "Foreign Exchange Student" Stories because it's usually no more than an excuse for an American Fanfic writer to insert themselves into the story. Technically this is no exception, but I had to use the FES plot device in order to write the story. Really! Otherwise the plot bunnies would have killed me then mangled my corpse. Honestly.

Anyway... this takes place during HarryCO's fifth year, for no other reason than because I wanted Fred and George to be in it. I mean, can you HAVE a game with explosions without them? Okay, you could, but 'twouldn't be as much fun. (because of this, the story is "technically" AU)

So, anyway... on with the show!

Quodpot!

By Saint Paul

Harry and Ginny were currently trying to find a carriage with room available aboard the Hogwart's Express. Finally, in the very last one on the train, they found one. It currently only had three people in it, Neville Longbottom, a Ravenclaw girl with long blonde hair that Ginny told him was named Luna Lovegood and a young man that neither of them knew, with dark brown shaggy hair, glasses, wearing jeans, a gray T-Shirt and a baseball cap backwards, he was staring out the window as the countryside flew past.

"Looks like this is the only space left, shall we?" Ginny asked as she opened the compartment door, Harry shrugged and made an 'after-you' gesture.

"Hullo Harry. Hey Ginny." Neville greeted cheerfully, though distractedly as he was currently tending to a plant sitting in his lap that resembled something of a lumpy gray cactus. "it's a _Mimbulus Mimbletonia, _Uncle Algie sent it to me, he got it in Assyria."

"That's er... great Neville." Harry muttered uncertainly. Neville, however, hardly noticed the less than enthusiastic response. He was far too busy examining the odd Flora. Harry shook his head in amusement and turned to the blonde haired witch, who currently had her wand stuck behind her ear and was reading a magazine upside-down.

"Oh Harry, this is Luna Lovegood, she's a fourth year, like me, though she's in Ravenclaw."

"Er... Nice to meet you Luna." Harry said. "I'm-"

"Harry Potter." She interrupted in a dreamy voice. "Yes. I know." She turned to Neville. "I don't know who you are though."

"Hm?" Neville looked up from his plant, "Oh me? I'm nobody."

"No you're not!" Ginny said snappishly. "Luna, this is Neville Longbottom, he's a Gryffindor too, and in the same year as Harry."

Luna nodded, a faraway look in her eyes.

Harry turned to the final occupant of the carriage in order to ascertain his identity, only to find he was asleep.

"Should we wake him?" Ginny wondered.

"Why?" Neville wondered, "Let him sleep."

"But I'm curious who he is!" She replied.

There was a snort from the man.

"Wait a minute, he's not asleep at all."

A broad grin spread on the kid's face and he cracked one eye open. "I was, until she, (Ginny right?) until she woke me."

"So, what's your name-" Harry began but was interrupted as the door opened and Ron and Hermione walked in.

"I'm starving!" Ron grunted. "Harry mate tell me you saved me some food!" The cart had been by earlier Harry, anticipating Ron's bottomless stomach, had bought extra. Grinning, he tossed his best friend a chocolate frog.

"Thanks mate." Ron said, tearing the package open.

"You'll never guess who the Slytherin Prefects are Harry." Hermione said as she sat down next to Ron. "Well actually, you probably will."

"Malfoy." Harry sighed, his worse nightmare confirmed.

"And Pansy Parkinson." Hermione confirmed. "Though I don't know _how _she got to be a prefect..."

"Er hey... Not to sound ignorant or anything, but what's a Prefect?" the as-of-yet un-introduced boy asked

Ron and Hermione both turned to look at him, surprise showing on their faces.

"Who the hell are you?" Ron blurted.

"Ron!" Hermione snapped, whacking him on the arm. "Language!"

The kid grinned. "That's alright, I've heard worse. My names Jonathan Screibb. John for short. I'm the, uh, exchange student. From the U.S."

The others in the carriage stared blankly at him. Well, except for Luna, she stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Exchange student?" Hermione gasped. "There's _never _been an exchange student. At least, according to _Hogwarts: A history._" the others rolled their eyes, though she noticed.

"Uh, yeah." John said through a grin. "It's sort of a new program. I guess I get to be the guinea pig, something about strengthening international ties between wizards or something." He shrugged, "Whatever gets me a free trip to Merry Ole' England."

Ron blinked, he wasn't sure what to make of the American wizard. "So..." He decided to shift the topic towards something he understood. "Do you play Quidditch?"

"No."

"What? EVERYBODY plays Quidditch." Ron gasped. "You look like you'd be a pretty good chaser. You should consider it." John shrugged.

"Wait a minute. You don't play Quodpot do you?" Hermione gasped. but the light in John's forest-green eyes all but confirmed it.

"What?" Ron spluttered. "Quodpot?"

"What's Quodpot?" Harry wondered.

"It's this game where a bunch of Yankee nutters try and blow themselves up." Ron said rolling his eyes. "It's not so much a sport as it is ritual suicide."

"Hey!" John snapped. "Just because you couldn't handle it, that's no reason to go knocking it."

"Can't handle it?" Ron growled. "Just because I'm not stupid enough to willingly blow myself to pieces."

"Oh but you'll willingly be chased by a twenty-pound metal ball going fifty miles an hour."

"What does how much a bludger costs in muggle money have to do with anything?" Ron wondered.

There was dead silence, save for the sound of Hermione slapping her own forehead. Everybody stared at Ron for a moment.

"What?" He asked, "What did I say?"

"Nothing Ron." Hermione sighed, Rolling her eyes. "Look, what does it matter? They're both just stupid games anyway." She held up her hands to forestall anymore arguing. "So, John. What's your best subject then?"

Ginny grinned, _trust Hermione to ask that_

John shrugged non-chalantly. "Probably Potions, I'm okay at Care of Magical Creatures, oh and Divination."

Hermione's eye twitched. "You don't actually believe that ...do you?"

"That the future can be predicted? Sure. That it can be done staring at bird parts and dead plants in water? Heck no. What I meant was, I'm good at making up stuff."

Ron and Harry exchanged a grin, While Hermione rolled her eyes.

"You're good at potions then?" Ginny asked. "Hope you're prepared to prove that to Snape, our Potions teacher."

"A pain in the ass?" John asked. Hermione looked shocked at his language, but didn't say anything.

"Yeah. He hates everybody, unless you're a Slytherin."

"Slytherin?" John asked, looking blank.

"One of the houses." Ginny explained. "They're four of them. We're all Gryffindors, except Luna over there." She indicated the blonde girl currently lost in her own world. "She's a Ravenclaw, then there's the fourth house- Hufflepuff."

"Hufflepuff?" John snorted. "Cute name."

"You'll probably have to be sorted into one of the houses. Hope you're in Gryffindor so you can help us with Potions." Ginny grinned.

"Yeah, but Slytherin is bad then?"

"Yeah. You don't want to be in that house." Harry muttered darkly.

"Hmm, well here's hoping." John replied.

The next hour of the train ride passed fairly quickly as the students compared schools in Britain and the United States. Then the compartment door slid open and none other than Draco Malfoy and his two simian cronies entered.

"What do you want?" Harry snapped.

Malfoy smirked and waggled a finger at him reprovingly. "Manners Potter, otherwise I'll give you a detention. You see I, unlike you, am I prefect, so therefore I can give out punishments."

Harry smirked. "Yes but you, unlike me, are a git. You can leave now."

"Touchy Touchy." Malfoy sneered, then he noticed John. "Who the hell are you?"

John frowned and leaned over to whisper out of the corner of his mouth to Ginny, "Is that a standard British greeting or what?" She giggled and shrugged.

"I asked you a question." Malfoy snapped. John looked the younger boy over and snorted, obviously unimpressed. He leaned back in his chair and stretched languidly.

"Names John Screibb. Foreign exchange student."

"Ah yes," Malfoy sneered. "The American, I should've known. Dumbledore must be mad, letting _Foreign _riffraff like you into the school, even if it is just for a year."

"'Foreign riffraff'" John repeated. "Is that the best you could do you-" And he proceeded to call Malfoy a string of names that made even Ron blush, Neville to nearly drop his plant, and Luna to come back down to earth, then he went on to call into question Malfoy's, ancestry and parentage, as well as give the young aristocrat advice that, while it may be practical, who most likely physically impossible. "-And that goes double for Tweedles Dee and Dumb over there." He finished, indicating Crabbe and Goyle. The three Slytherins stood dumbfounded for a moment, before hastily backing out of the compartment.

Ron turned, mouth agape, to look at the Foreigner. "That was brilliant." John grinned.

The rest of the train ride passed without incident and soon the Hogwart's Express was pulling into the station at Hogsmeade. The students piled out of the train, John grumbling under his breath about having to wear a uniform.

John stood outside the massive doors of the great hall along with the first years, all of whom were about half his height. He felt understandably self-conscious because of this. He sort of stuck out. He tuned out that McGonagall woman as she explained the deal to the first years. He only snapped back to attention because she had called out his name.

"Mister Screibb! I don't know how things were done at the Academy you previously attended, but here at Hogwarts that sort of headgear is NOT permitted!" John stared at her blankly until he remembered he was still wearing his baseball cap. Smiling sheepishly he quickly removed it and hooked it onto his belt loop under his robe where it wouldn't be seen.

"Er, sorry Ms. McGonagall."

"_Professor _McGonagall if you please."

John gulped. She was a scary woman. "Right. Right. Professor, sorry." With a nod the stern Transfiguration teacher led the students into the Great Hall where John was instantly aware of each and every eye on Him. He waved slightly to the Gryffindor table, where Harry and the others waved back. He was lined up with the first years, in front of a stool... with a hat on it...

_What the hell? _John wondered. _What kind of loony place have I ended up in?_ Then the hat began to sing. Some long song that John couldn't be bothered to remember about the people that built this place and their houses and that everybody hates the Slytherins, but they shouldn't... or something.

Anyway, a second later McGonagall called up the first young'un and the hat fell on his head. Seconds later the hat proclaimed him a Gryffindor.

_Ah. So that's how this works. _Bit by bit the crowd of children around him was whittled away until at last the final one, Rose Zeller, was placed into Hufflepuff, and he stood alone. A long moment passed in dead silence while John waited nervously. Was something wrong? Who'd he piss off this time? Finally McGonagall cleared her throat sharply, but she was not looking at him, rather at the head table.

Another moment of silence passed, the students began to shift restlessly, muttering amongst themselves. Finally Professor could take it no longer. "Professor Dumbledore!" She whispered sharply, the aged Headmaster looked over at her politely, she inclined her head pointedly in John's direction. Dumbledore turned and stared at him blankly for a moment, then recognition lit in his eyes. He stood up and rapped on the table for silence. "Students, I have an announcement to make." John grinned and looked over at McGonagall who rolled her eyes skyward, pleadingly. "We have the pleasure this year to have a student from the United States come to study with us. As is our tradition, he will now be sorted into one of our houses, like all our students, then he will be joining the Seventh Year. I ask that, whichever house he becomes part of, you all treat him with respect and show him the very best our school has to offer. Thank you."

"Now then." McGonagall said sharply, John was about to go sit on the stool but was frozen by a glare from the elderly professor. "Jonathan Screibb." Her look indicated that _now _he could proceed. Casually as he could he sat down and put the hat on his head.

_Ah yes, _A voice whispered. _The American. I've never had to sort someone as old as you before. Quite interesting. Now, let's see, where to put you? Ravenclaw is out. Sorry, but you're not a very good student._

Hey! Though he couldn't fault the hat that particular observation.

_You do have a good mind, but you just don't apply yourself._

What are you my mother?

The Hat continued as if he hadn't said... or rather thought anything. _well now, Hufflepuff wouldn't be good. You have tremendous loyalty, yes, but you'd find the other Hufflepuffs somewhat annoying._

Hmm. I see you've already had an altercation with the Slytherins, so it would probably be bad to put you there. So much the pity. Guess that leaves-

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The shout echoed off the high walls and the table to the far left burst into cheers. With a wry grin, John handed the hat back to McGonagall and went off to join his new house, sitting between Ginny and a boy with dreadlocks and across from a pair of redheaded twins.

Sharing a somewhat evil grin, the twins leaned forward to introduce themselves. "Welcome to the UK mate. Allow us to introduce ourselves. This is George."

"Aye and this is Fred. We, along with Lee over there-" He indicated the boy sitting next to John

"Are your new dorm mates." Fred finished, speaking in tandem.

"Looking forward to getting to know you better-"

"Teaching you about our culture-"

"Learning about yours"

"Testing out insane magical products on you."

"Whoops!"

"Did we say that?" They finished in unison. John gaped at them for a moment.

"Are they always like that?" He asked Lee.

"All the time, you get used to it though." Lee said with a grin

"What did they mean by test out insane..." but his question faded out with the arrival of the food. _Well, _he thought wryly _this at least is an improvement over the Academy. _He loaded up his plate and began wolfing down the food, talking amicably with the twins and Lee, eventually as seemed the pattern with the Weasley men, the talk turned to sports.

"Ever played Quidditch?" George asked, shoveling mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"No, Quidditch isn't really a big sport in America."

"Ah that's right. We'll have to educate you on the subject. George and I are the beaters for the Gryffindor team."

"Cool. There's a position I can respect. I was a Charger back at the Academy."

"Charger?" The twins looked at each other then back at him, responding in unison, "You mean Quodpot?"

"Yeah. Big sport in the States. Everybody plays."

There was a manic light in the twins eyes. "Well, you have to like a game where things blow up, I suppose."

"I mean, it's no Quidditch, of course,"

"But still, a little foreign exchange never hurt anyone."

John grinned. "True enough. All right, you teach me about Quidditch, and I'll tell all I know about Quodpot. Deal?"

"Deal."

Further conversation was cut off by Dumbledore signaling for attention. "Now then, I'd like to hand out a few start-of-term notices. All students are reminded that the Forbidden Forest is still, as always, off limits."

"Such a shame, it's really a lovely place." Lee said with a grin.

"We'll have to show you around there sometime," Fred added with a smirk.

"We have two changes in staffing this year, Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking over for Care of Magical Creatures, and Professor Umbridge, our new defense against the dark arts instructor."

John cast a doubtful eye over the toad-like professor. She didn't look like someone he would trust.

"Quidditch tryouts will be held at-" The Professor trailed off, noticing that Professor Umbridge had stood up, smiling sickly.

"_Hem hem, _Professor, if I may?" She then launched into a long drawn out speech which John's short attention span wouldn't allow him to listen to, even if he had wanted to. Soon he was staring blankly ahead of him, eyes glazed over, like many of the students in the hall.

He shook his head out of it's torpor when he realize she had finished speaking. He turned to speak to Fred and George, who, he was amused to see, had fallen asleep. He exchanged a glance with Lee, then in unison, they both kicked the twins under the table.

"Hn?" one, he had forgotten which was sitting where, snorted lifting his head up. "Whazzat?"

"Wake up, dopplegangers, Froggy-face has finished speaking."

"What'd she say?" The second asked with a yawn.

"Damned if I listened," John muttered. "that class is going to be hell with that windbag lecturing." There was a clatter as the school had been dismissed to their dormatories.

"Come on mate." Lee said clapping him on the shoulder, "we'll show you how to get to the Dorms so you won't have to follow the first years." John noticed Ron and Hermione leading the nervous looking group of kids off.

Lee and the Twins showed him a number of handy shortcuts around the massive castle. Unfortunatly, John was a little dismayed at the size of it. He had a terrible sense of direction and he knew he was going to get lost quite a bit in this massive castle.

In almost no time at all they'd made it to the corridor outside Gryffindor Tower.

"Er, say Lee, you wouldn't happen to know the password wouldja?"

"When would I have been told? I was with you the whole time."

"Hmm. Seems we have a bit of a problem then don't we?" Fred looked around. "Oy! Angelina, you don't know the password do you?"

A group of seventh year girls was walking up to them. "Yeah it's _Mimbulus Mimbletonia _whatever that is."

The fat lady in the portrait nodded and swung forward to admit them. John entered the Gryffindor common room and was impressed at the sight. It looked comfortable, with the big roaring fire, the big stuffed couches and well made desks. This place might not be so bad, really.

Fred or George gave a big yawn next to him. "Come on mates, let's show Johnny here the dorm and get him all nice and settled in." There was an odd tone to his voice that John didn't like or trust, and where was Lee anyway?

"Er, yeah. Okay." He replied as the twins steered him up the stairs towards the seventh year boy's dormitory.

Ron happened to glance out the door of the fifth year dorms as they passed. "Uh oh Harry, looks like Fred 'n' George are showing John around."

Harry grinned half-heartedly. "I'd hate to be him."

"So I'm guessing that far bed over there's yours John seeing as these three have always been ours. Plus, you know, your trunk is there and all."

John Shrugged and sat down on the bed, he was just about to take off his shoes when everything went dark and he found himself wrapped up tightly in his own bed sheets. He could tell by the mad laughter that Lee and the twins were responsible. _We'll see about this!_

George and Fred shared a victory high five as they gazed proudly at the mass of bed sheets hanging five feet in the air above Johns' bed.

"Not bad brother mine." Fred commented.

"Not bad at all, shall we let him down?"

"I don't know, What say you Lee?"

"Yeah." Lee said with a laugh. "Let him down, he's a nice enough bloke."

They were just about to do so when, much to their surprise, an arm worked it's way free of the sheets, an arm holding a wand. They heard a muffled shout from inside the sheet and the next thing any of them knew, they were on the ground staring at the ceiling.

"What just happened?" Fred asked as he tried to get up, and found he couldn't.

"No idea." George replied, but he had a splitting headache. He craned his neck as far as it would go and found himself looking at the top of his brother's nose, when a black dreadlock fell into his vision, he knew.

"Bloody hell, he's glued our heads together!"

Lee let out a laugh. "You have to admit, he's creative!"

"Alright John, we'll call a truce. We let you go, you let us go. And we'll promise not to prank you again."

"Unless we get bored."

"Right, unless we get bored."

John laughed. "Deal." The two pranks were undone and the four of them laughed about it for a good ten minutes.

"John." Fred gasped through his laughter. "I think I'm starting to like you."

"Likewise!" John grinned as he climbed into his unresponsive bed.

"Tomorrow we'll begin your education in Quidditch. Maybe we can even swing you a reserve Chaser position on the team."

"Right, and tomorrow I'll instruct you three in the fine art that is Quodpot!" When the lights went out, John began to form a plan. Somehow, he vowed, he would bring Quodpot to Hogwarts!


End file.
